001a                                        ( Halloween a long time ago…dressed as Robin Hood I believe! )

With it being Halloween today, my thoughts turned to masks and how we wear them.  It’s being dishonest in a way…we’re not totally honest with our real selves and I wonder how many of us really know who we are anymore?

I’ve heard the saying, “Fake it til you make it”…that you virtually act a part until it becomes reality to you.  In the Law of Attraction circles, you are urged to do the visualization and acting the part of being, having and doing what it is you want to manifest in your life.

But the more I think about it, and thinking of what I’m guilty of, we become fixed/stuck behind the mask because we’ve worn it for so many years and people around us believe that’s who we really are.  In a way, we’ve lost our “authenticity”…our real selves.  We hide behind our pain with the grin and bear it attitude, not making waves, not standing up for ourselves, our needs and our desires.  Not doing the nice things for ourselves and not cherishing ourselves.

I’m guilty of wearing masks…very much so I’m afraid.  The “real” me or “almost real” me comes through to a few…my daughter and pets get the “real” me all the time.  A few friends and some family members get the “real me” with certain facets hidden, and the list goes on.  Thinking about it, it makes me seem like I’m living a “half life” a lot of the time…I find as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become very selective with who gets access to “the real me”.

In thinking about all this, I wonder if it has something to do with the “unconditional love” retrospect, my parents always got the “real me”…the good, the bad and the ugly.  But I always felt unconditionally loved…it didn’t matter what I’d done, I could always depend on open arms and love.  They were my biggest supporters and always expected the best from me.

I’m finding when I wear my “masks”, it feels like I am suppressing so much-sometimes, ok, a lot of times, having to be very careful with what I say to certain people because they know my “character” to be a certain way(at work especially).  Family members and old classmates from school who  you don’t see or hear from often, see you a certain way and negate you in a certain way as well. It doesn’t matter how smart, witty, talented, accomplished you may have become, in their eyes they see you exactly the way you were years ago.  Our spouses/SO and old friends who we’ve been together for a long time, see us differently as well…these changes within us(and them too) are neither good nor bad…just simply meaning that you’ve literally outgrown that individual but the mask keeps you from letting go.

I’m at the point in my life that I want “real”…call it open, honest, stripped down to your soul type of relationships and life.  No more surface banal conversations, no more faked smiles that never reach the eyes, no more masks.  I want to be cherished, not tolerated.  Please.  It’s time.

til next time…Eva


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