I have been determining my goals for 2015 and this morning it dawned on me how small my physical world has become. I realized that a lot of my world evolves around a ten mile radius of my home and if I need to go beyond that(I am talking about driving alone), I go into a panic mode and an outsider would think I was embarking on a 3000 mile journey. If someone else is driving, I have no qualms.
I didn’t used to be this way. It’s all fear based. I believe it started when my parents became elderly and began needing more and more of my help as in 24/7care in their home. My daughter was young at the time(7) and my husband was not being supportive(I can’t blame him for feeling that way at the time since it changed his life drastically as well…it changed us both). Add to that, low finances, car woes and general frustrations of life not being what I had expected.
Now, I don’t mean to imply that I didn’t learn valuable insights and lessons during this time period…my daughter and I both did. High spirituality, evolving insights and special talents emerged as well as valuable time spent with my parents.
It was during this time that my world started to shrink. When I would drive, it was basically to my daughter’s school, to the bus stop close to our home(2 miles from my parents), church, and the local town for groceries, drug store, etc. Pretty much a 5-7 mile radius.
After my parents passed on, it didn’t improve that much. When my daughter was in college, my traveling increased a bit…to her college which was 50 miles away. I also found that she pushed me to go further in other ways as well. She graduated from college 1 1/2 years ago and moved quite a distance away…now has to fly home and that very seldom..months in between..so, old habits crept in once again…
My radius shrank again…now to the 10 mile radius with every once in a while being forced to drive further…and I get that nervous pit in my stomach each and every time. The interesting thing is that after I get back home from these journeys, I feel braver than I did before.
So, one of my goals for 2015 is to claim my power again. As I get older, I realize that if I don’t do this now, it will become harder and harder. Basically a “no pain, no gain” type of deal here. I don’t just mean the driving…I also mean attempting more social ventures and activities. Maybe a class of some kind…maybe join a group(art, yoga, quilting), volunteer somewhere…some activity that forces me to get out of my comfort zone. Also changing the way I dress and look…I’ve been too casual for too long which makes me look and act “old”…
Hopefully, it will become easier and easier while I become less and less fearful…it’s definitely worth the try.
What are your plans for the new year? I’d love to know.
til next time…Eva