Directions and Paths

003aPicture by Eva, 2014

I don’t know about you, but this past holiday season I got a couple of shocks regarding close friends and family members…and have shed a lot of tears as well…berating myself for not noticing something was wrong…not digging deeper…dare I say, not caring enough?

I said to one family member, “Why didn’t you tell me?”  Her response was, “Why didn’t you notice something was wrong and care enough to ask?”  And that’s when it hit me…when it truly hit me.  How long have I been this way?  How long since I have been focusing on my own little world…and it was quite humbling to realize the answer…too long…and in some cases…too late as well.

Is it a case of being plugged in too much?  Focusing on our own little world and not seeing the subtle signs anymore?  Not reading between the lines?  Not listening?  Gliding over the surface and becoming superficial in many ways?

It comes with the realization that all too often we take the easy way out…we don’t like life to get too messy.  We lose the chances to have emotionally satisfying lives because we are…dare I say it…afraid?   To skirt away from this fear(and I don’t believe many of us will admit it’s fear), we fill our lives with the superficial trappings of life…just skimming over the surface and staying clean and pristine.  We call this fear by other names perhaps…excuses..obligations, finances, not enough time(  I can’t talk to you right now because…”I have to go to work”, “I’m doing something on the computer”, “I’m on the phone”, “I’m busy”, “I’m watching tv”…).

Now remains the question of what I can do now to redeem myself in some way…to prove to those I’ve let down that I do indeed care.  In some cases, it’s possibly too late…but I have to do something.

My new year is going down a different path than I anticipated a week ago…a path concentrating on finding ways to become more human again…to show those I care about that I am truly there for them when they need me.  Becoming the person I really want to be.

Much prayer and introspection are ahead of me and I relish the time, direction and the paths it will take me.

til next time…Eva

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4 thoughts on “Directions and Paths

  1. This is so true Eva. I have been both sides of this fence and so I know how it feels. I think we are ‘too plugged in’. Yes, we don’t always notice, but then again do other people, even our nearest and dearest, notice when we are suffering? I was divorced after 36 years of marriage. When it happened, my children were outraged, perhaps rightly so. They hadn’t seen it coming. Why? Likewise, I have been guilty of not noticing how they have struggled and tried not to let it show. We try to be stoical and keep our troubles to ourselves so as not to hurt others, but in doing so we suffer more ourselves and ultimately those we affect will suffer because we haven’t shared our feelings. However, I remember once, a friend was going through a divorce. She was on the phone to me every day, crying and moaning and chatting and seemed to treat me as her ‘post’. That was fine until I got fed up with it. I’d had enough and couldn’t take anymore. I dreaded the phone ringing. I thinks we’ve all been there with something or other. We don’t want to be like that, so we bottle up our feelings and problems. Good luck with your predicaments. I’m sorry you met sadness as the year turned.

    • You expressed this so perfectly starproms! I know my own way is not letting others fully know what is going on…especially not my near and dearest most of the time. And I too have had the friend who treated me as her sounding board each and every day and I hated to hear the phone ring too…The two cases I’ve had this week have been dear family members…one going into hospice and one down the Alzheimer’s path…both I had truly no way of knowing because they live a distance from me and no one communicated…as my one friend tells me, I am not a mind reader and not super human…I will do what I can do and will be more open with myself as well. Thank you for leaving a reply…

  2. IDK, Eva ~~~ saying “I can’t believe you didn’t care enough to …” sounds like someone who is not communicating and into dumping blame to me. Out of context, without having the who, what, when, where, why, I would tend to be sympathetic / empathetic but also look out for someone who may be pushing buttons and guilt trips, intentionally or not.
    Just like any other relationship, you can’t be a mind reader, and even if you were, a lot of times people aren’t ready to discuss or just plain do not want to share, personal, health, or financial issues. They could just as easily consider you a busy-body for asking.
    And it’s still true that you have to let your own well fill up before you can draw water for anyone else sustainably. So before you go beating yourself up here, please make sure the shudda/cudda/wudda stuff isn’t getting mixed up with real two-way communication and heart path directions.
    That said, if you meditate on this, and it feels like a message from the universe to open your heart more, that may be some part of the ticket to getting unhooked from your own stuff and seeing the bigger picture when needed. But don’t ever let someone make you feel less than for taking care of your Self first. They may equally need to be learning to rely on Spirit rather than on particular individuals…

  3. Read it … felt it …. know the feellings …. and simply sending you a tender, gentle hug, tucked into the feathers of an Angels wings.

    Don’t beat yourself up Eva. You’re not super human. You’re just super.
    Sending you my love – along with that hug, ~ Cobs. x

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