A friend and I were having coffee the other day and she was telling me about her latest visit with her therapist.
Between having had a somewhat abusive childhood and a verbally abusive ex, she asked her therapist…”how to still the nasty voices in my head?”
Well, yes…don’t we all have those little nasty voices…not necessarily from abusive individuals but just from life itself…nasty comments from classmates, hurtful comments from teachers and others we looked up to, nasty comments from work colleagues and bosses… how DO we still those nasty voices? I was all ears on this one.
Response from her therapist…
a. Give your “nasty voice” a name…it could be a real person’s name(the boss, the teacher, the classmate, the ex…or a made up one that instills nasty to you…)
b. Every time you hear a comment from the nasty voice…”you never do anything right”,”You look fat in those pants,” “You are a lousy (insert whatever here)”, etc.
Stop the voice right then and there…using whatever you need to…say their name first and then your comment…if you are a gentle soul, stop, go away, to the comment my friend needed to use…”shut the f… up!” She used her ex’s name as her nasty voice…”Sam, Shut the f… up!”
You know, I thought that was pretty clever…we all have someone who is the epitome of nastiness in our lifetime and mine was a former boss…so for the past two days I have been doing this technique every time something nasty comes up…and you know, I do believe it’s working! It’s shutting that monkey brain off and it’s letting me focus on what I need to focus on.
I urge you to give it a try…it may work for you or someone you love…and please let me know!
til next time…Eva